Do I miss drinking?
and other questions I've gotten so far
“Do you miss drinking? Are you really quitting for good?”
It’s a question I’ve received a few times in the (almost) two years since deciding to quit for good. And it’s a tough one to answer because I didn’t drink like you. I didn’t drink normally.
Welcome to what I hope will be a little series addressing some questions I’ve gotten so far in my sobriety. Some questions I’ve asked myself, others are recurring from others, and some in particular are a cozy callback to the more legalistic (dare I say anti-intellectual) vibes of my teens and twenties (I grew up in church, namely charismatic/evangelical spaces). A teaser: “Is Jesus not enough? Why all these steps and groups and books?” More on that in a later installment.
I shared on Instagram a few months ago that quitting drinking wasn’t like Lent without Ben & Jerry’s, starting keto, or going green. It was: accepting I couldn’t control my drinking like others could, realizing an offer of freedom was very much on the table, and receiving that freedom.
Spending time with others in recovery has helped me shift my posture toward the question-asker, because very often this “asker” is a more-normal drinker. (A note to my normal-drinker friends: I love you. I wanted to be you, even pretended a little, but I’m not. Now I’ll just make you a killer whisky sour when you come over. Can we still be friends?)
I don’t miss the mental math, staying on top of empty bottles, tracking what I had in my cart each week. This is just the tip of the iceberg. At a recent recovery retreat, my roomie and I exchanged “hiding stories” before we fell asleep. Oh, the metal! the glass! the broken glass! the arranging of the trash! the spills! Oh, THE LAUGHTER. No one will laugh with you quite like someone who knows this version of you. We cry too, obviously. But the point is the ridiculously lows we stooped to. We weren’t alone.
As someone who compulsively used alcohol to establish a baseline, to feel okay after a fight, to pad for a social gathering, and to chase the buzz, I’m happy to say that—while I miss the idea of it—I don’t miss needing it. I don’t miss staying on top of it. Plus, did it ever make good on its promise to me? For me it was about so much more than pouring out my Two Buck Chuck and “milk-boosting” Guinness. Because I knew people, and still do, who have the relationship with alcohol I prayed and hoped for. And I love them and still celebrate with them.
If I do miss anything it’s perhaps missing out on the really cool parts about being a normal drinker. I love the potential hobby aspect, I love transitioning to new weather and the new flavors it brings, and yes—I still love mixing drinks for friends.
I’ll cheers ya in new creation with a charcuterie board and the best wine we’ve ever tasted.